Sunday, June 08, 2008

Sydney here I come....

I have just booked my flights for a trip home to Sydney. I will be gone 19 days...I don't think I have ever left my babies for that long! My sweetie friend has found me a nanny for the kids while I am away...(GJ has begged him to, so they can go out while I am away....).

My mum is not doing well mentally.

The dementia has hit a new level and she now doesn't recognize hunger. Breakfast is a deeply ingrained habit but lunch has now gone, as well as dinner if my sister is late home from work. Grooming and time frames (ie what day, what week, what month) went last month. We are moving in to winter in Sydney and we have the added worry of the gas heater........

My sister is stretched to breaking point.

Mum is a self funded retiree, ie no pension. This means accessing the governments program of aged care services is harder. We have to be assessed by a geriatrician Dr....who I booked in March and has canceled the appoint 3 times....... before we can even begin to get on the government programs.

Tanya is the sole carer of my mum and she works full time in the city......

I have also morphed into the boogie woman. As I am the one who has to be blunt about the dementia, who has to push the boundaries about aging and moving, I have been the scary change person.

Mum has now decided that there is nothing wrong with her and she is not moving into a retirement home....she decided this when she heard that I was coming again.

Change is scary when you have dementia, being forced along is even more scary. It is far easier to blame the person that is pushing rather than face reality.

Some of mums friends think the move might be too much for her; it will.
We know it will lead to the next stage of dementia.

We have no choice.

Tan needs a life.

She has no social life at the moment, she works full time and is a full time carer the rest of the time. We have looked at options of bringing mum over here to live with us, but logistically it is just not possible. She has friends and a boyfriend in Sydney and would be lost in such a different country.

So I am going home to help out and to deflect the defiance of a 4 year old trapped in my mums body. I am mean and cruel and forcing her to do things that she thinks she doesn't want but it is the right thing to do.
I know all my family in Heaven are looking down and nodding. It is the right thing to do, but it is so hard to be thought of as a pushy, ungrateful, mean, eldest daughter.
There is the grand total of three on my side of the family...Mum, Tan and I.
Every one else has died.
I want the best for my mum as well as my sister.

So this has been a very stressful last few weeks....
Most know when there is not much blog action it means I am stressed.
I have these 3 huge pimples on my face...I am 32+++++ whats going on...stress.

So some good points
With in a week I will have shops filled with cold champagne which actually have bubbles in them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Duty free (bottle) shops are in an on off again prohibition style lock down here).
I will be freezing......oh my this is so exciting, I haven't been cold for nearly 3 years!!!!!!
Tonight we am having a party at home.....I love parties!

5 comments:

Sass said...

good luck Jen. it isn't easy but you have a good set of head on your shoulders and with sheer determination things will turn out alright.

hugs....and enjoy the cold!

johnorford said...

best of luck. it sounds like a real hard time.

Laurel Wreath said...

Praying for you during this difficult time. It is hard, there is nothing easy about it, but you know that all you do is out of love so that makes it easier.

(hugs)

Shannon said...

The party was tons of fun, thanks so much for inviting us!

Anonymous said...

So sorry you have to go through this. It's a tough thing but I'm sure you will get things sorted. Good luck.

Kristina in Nebraska