Thursday, August 17, 2006

Serious to Superficial

I have been trying to work out why my last few posts are so superficial. I think I am still unnerved by the events that took place here.

I have a little problem with too much empathy. Strangers or casual acquaintances love to tell me their problems, death of their loved ones and to confide in me. On the whole I am honored that they feel comfortable enough to do this with me. I love to listen and can listen quietly or ask the right questions to help them. I also like to talk. As I have grown older I have been able to ground myself more and more and to stop myself taking on others pain. Sometimes it all builds up and I find myself sick with worry or grief and then realize that it is not my emotions I am dealing with. It is still hard to let go of these feelings.

I think the events surrounding the death of all my family (Brother, Father, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles), except for my Mother and Sister has shaped me into the person that I am now. I realize that life can be fleeting. Young and old people die, and do. My coping mechanism is to go "“glossy"” for wont of a better word. I turn on clothes, jewelry, books, cooking, kids stuff side of my brain and zone out of serious stuff.

As I write this my brain is trying to divert the conversation back to glossy stuff, a good movie I watched yesterday, Champagne, and how pleased I am that Mash is back on TV at 5pm.

I think I am going to need a few more superficial/ glossy days.…..

2 comments:

Laurel Wreath said...

Jen

This is something my husband gets frustrated about with me. He says "you make thier problems, their hurt, your hurt". And he is right. It is hard to be a comfort and stay a safe distance. I give my heart away too easy. So I can relate.

Laurel Wreath said...

Have a great weekend.